A while ago I settled on the idea that I should be able to strip away all material and conceptual trappings and still find life worth living vibrantly. Cast away video games, my phone, my computers, the comfort of a cozy home, the comfort of regular shelter (climate considerations have been made), and even the very fine clothes I acquire through the VV Boutique. I should be able to cast away habits like drinking fine tea and eating cookies and buying tickets for concerts and flights to visit family. I should be able to do away with them because they all make me dependent on the continuation of inherently unstable situations. I can afford to have those things while the economy and my position in remains solvent. If I grow too dependent, I can't be robust against instability, and I can't be flexible in my life. If I found myself in a job I hated at some point, I wouldn't want my life style to remain dependent on it.
But it goes beyond material and money. There are conceptual trappings too. My identity wants more flexibility. I want to avoid being inseparably connected with concepts such as "Does very well at endeavours" (I need to be able to sometimes fail), or "Is always happy and cheerful" (ironically, I've worked on exhibiting this more in the last year), or "Has misfortune in his life" (I don't really, though some people have felt the need to be overly accommodating". Don't mistake me. I want to be effective and competent and happy and let people rely on that, to a degree, but I don't want to let the weight of that make me miserable. The only conceptual trapping I'm short of passing up is national identity: I don't think I could accept losing my passport, birth certificate or SIN quite yet. :)
So I don't mean that I intend on throwing all this out! I just want to be prepared to give up these non-essential items without feeling like the world has fallen apart. It's already a little liberating and promises to preclude potential sources of stress. =D It's the potential vagrant's life for me. But that said, I really would like to go on an extended back-packing adventure travelling lightly and embracing the elements. A month without a home somewhere with a fair climate? :D
I wonder - will you also treat as dispensable the conceptual trappings from which this philosophy of yours is derived?
ReplyDeleteI love points like this that test whether a philosophy will be applied so completely as to undermine itself. :) In this case, like my national identity, I'm reluctant to dispense with the wariness that motivates this.
DeleteI think it mostly derives from a sense of insecurity and impermanence. As a human, I don't trust myself to protect these things that I am now unwilling to rely on. I don't feel it's within my power to render them permanent.
I don't think it's without hope. I will have these things while I can and while I want them, and have confidence in my ability to make a great effort in supporting them. But I won't pay too high a price for them or rely on them.
If I ever do grow so confident that I dispense with my vagrancy and anchor myself, could you question that? :)
I guess wariness is fine, so long as it keeps close to prudence and away from fearfulness. You can limit yourself by being too risk-averse.
DeleteI also feel that the value of freedom always needs to be qualified. What's the use of having a multitude of options, if what you want isn't included? To disentangle yourself from things that are restricting you is strategically sound. But so is attaching yourself something, if it helps you accomplish your goal. Theoretical freedoms and restrictions don't always translate into practical ones.