My favourite live wallpaper on my Galaxy Nexus is Microbes because you get to tap to feed them and watch them multiply. Digital life under a microscope indeed!
Con-G is Guelph's annual anime convention. It sounds a bit like "kanji". There mascot is also a dragon named Kon. It feels very right to me, and a lot like a scaled down version of Anime North, with a good distribution of vendors in the Dealers' Rooms, panels, anime showings, and special events. It's also quite a bit of fun because a good proportion of the attendees dress up in cosplay.
|Ouran High School Host Club|
The dealers' room this year became the dealers' rooms, and included a greater variety of stuff. I always wait until the last possible moment to make purchases to minimise the amount of money I'm spending. This year that was aided by having the ATM machine on site run out of cash. Whoops! Luckily, technology came to the rescue, as the vendor I was most interested in had a credit card processing application on her iPhone, replete with beloved e-receipts, enabling me to get a shirt I coveted last year. Hehe.
|chlorophyll, the veggie molecule|
I helped my friend Ira win the murder mystery by being his Watson. There was an "actual" Sherlock there, but he wasn't Sherlock enough to affect an accent, so I didn't help him. They hid clues all over, and it turns out I'm great at finding things, especially in the strangest of places.
A favourite part of Con-G is the Masquerade. It's when cosplayers are paraded around the stage in a competition for best costume, best presentation (they can do a small performance) and stuff, and they're judged at different levels. I think this year's masquerade was a bit shorter than last years, with fewer group performances, but it was still delightfully hilarious.
|At the masquerade: Piranha Plant!|
I like the anime showing room as a place to get introduced to new anime. I discovered "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" in 2007 at Anime North in that fashion, and much to my delight, they were showing "The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya" this year. I also caught an episode of Dr. Who which was riveting. I'm soon going to solicit friends with the series for cowatching it.
|Someone attended in a Dalek. He rolled into the Dr. Who|
showing and threatened us with annihilation.
|My lovely though incomplete rice ball plushy|
There are other highlights, like spending the second day with my friend L, playing Pokémon while there, watching cosplay chess (which was hilarious and not always for the nicest reasons), meeting a convincing Darth Vader (I fled from his sight), meeting the Ninja Turtles (cowabunga!), the games room, eating fries, Thai, and Squirrel Tooth Alice's (including the server who never let my tea run out of hot water) with friends, random cougar statues outside, and more, that I can't really write about because of the aforementioned plague! So here are some pictures,
|Darth Vader, after a confrontation with|
Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney
|A cougar defends someones automobile|
|I went in my typical last-minute lab coat, but this|
year with my Newfoundland vest and black dress shirt.
There were fewer panels that I wanted to go to this year, but I still had a great deal of fun hanging out with people and wandering and watching. I ran into a fellow nerdfighter who was wearing a Pizza John shirt, which was smart, and made a Con-friend when I accidentally mistook her for a cosplayer: she just naturally has great style. I had to take a nap during a showing of Dr. Who to cure a curable headache. I have to go to sleep now, so I'll jump to the dance, which I thought would be awkward, but it turned out the most painful part was my abdomen, still sore from lots of coughing this week. My solution to that was to ignore it, and now I feel like I've been brutally assaulted. At least Sherlock shared a good word with me for my trouble, though :D, and I finally unravelled the mystery behind a dancer from last year, too.
Now I sleep. Sorry for being dull lately. :)
I've mostly been at home with my father. He was a bit paranoid over my cold for reasons I don't understand. I heard "You should take oregano oil" five times. I went to a talk by Temple Grandin. Guelph gave her an honourary degree. I didn't end up staying for the whole thing: the friend I went with isn't too impressed by Dr. Grandin and she also was having computer problems I volunteered to repair. I received home grown sprouts as compensation: oh barter system! I went out for morning tea at Village Green's with my father a number of times. I got home originally via my amazing brother, for whom I repaired a broken phone, most of that hard work done by another friend. Finally, I have a Top Sekret side job involving a website for a business local to home. It's kind of nice: first comes structure, then imagery, then comes font and colours, next comes polish.
There you have it. Now I'm back in Guelph, but that's for another post.
OH! And I ate with my father at a new mostly-vegan café in Guelph called Magnolia. It was actually magnificent. Its brightness recalled optimistic cafés not seen since Sharon, Lois, and Bram were on TV.
It's a bit in contrast to my post the other day about loneliness. I'm not sure if it came out right: I chatted with a friend who was concerned. I guess it's hard to write about that topic and not concern someone? Anyway, I wasn't discontent or alarmed, particularly because how alone I was was under my control. Which I think is an important factor. I've had moments in my life where I felt it wasn't under my control, like I couldn't alter my situation.
Anyway, this plague. It's quite nice coming home. My father isn't really the type to make me soup any more: he doesn't really know what to do with a vegan. At least the local dairy and video bar (e.g. convenience store) was still open despite Family Day so I could get me some Halls. I used to eschew Halls, but I once bought a bag of Ricola from a Zellers to deal with a long-lasting cough. I think that lasted months. Anyway, the Ricola didn't do anything, and I was frustrated at first until I realised that they weren't cough drops but their vitamin C supplements. And thus Halls. Yeah, I don't get it either.
I'll go visit friends tomorrow and finish a bunch of research maybe. Maybe. Maaaybe. Good night.
His wings are gray and trailing,School is a lot of work. One of my favourite parts of school is TAing. My students generally love me, and I like to break my neck for them. Well, I used to, now I put in half the effort and the results are twice as good? I think that's just experience, or perhaps just an attitude change from having to coddle them and letting go. Or both. :) I certainly spend less time in the lab this year than last. It's for the same course, which is nicknamed the Angel of Death.
Azrael, Angel of Death.
And yet the souls that Azrael brings
Across the dark and cold,
Look up beneath those folded wings,
And find them lined with gold
- Robert Welsh
I sometimes bring in cookies to labs, and sometimes my students bring me cookies. Sometimes we make paper pirate hats and swash-buckle in the lab, like during Fair November last year. Other times, like the other week, I assemble my students in front of a window so we can collectively stare into a professor's office until he notices and gets weirded out by the unexpected audience. :D Maybe that's an abuse of power?
|Last semester. I don't have a difficult-to-identify-individuals |
photo from this semester :D
It's definitely worth the effort. I think they really benefit. It makes me happy to be well-prepared for labs and take an interest in their problems. Sometimes it's a little weird to command their positive opinion. It's not like I'm all that. But I guess they like that I try?
I want to look through bleak photographs of Toronto's narrow, grey streets and overlay treework over them and drop vines down vertical surfaces.
Instead right now I'm drawing my wonderland through a looking glass, and it mostly sees me the misfit king over a charmingly broken world waiting atop a hill in my mismatched finery.
I'm glad to have my stylus back.
I currently have a cold so I've quarantined myself for most of this week. Ideally, this will help expedite my recovery and minimise my infection of others. It has the side effect of isolating me a bit.
I'm not totally isolated. I've violated quarantine a few times, to briefly attend a SOCS wine and cheese (under duress! ;), to do TA office hours, to attend a GSETA dinner, a special Jodo practise with a friend, and the OCUS formal. That's a lot of acronyms. It's amusing that it's where the opportunity to spread infection is greatest (largish social gatherings) that I've gone out, but they've also represented the strong prior commitment, hardest to break. I also have the Internet to communicate with people.
However, I've still spent 3 of the last 5 days completely indoors without using my voice more than to update my father on my cold when he calls. Most of that time has been spent comfortably huddled in bed, except when I get up to make food. Most of that bed time has been spent typing away on this computer to finish work, or hiding from an amazing headache that you could not believe. Or filling a bag with snotty tissue (ew, gross!).
Previously, I would abuse myself when sick. I would force myself to keep going. I'd feel brave for doing it, for doing something stupid. That's when I used to stress myself a lot, physically and mentally and emotionally and externally. It's surprisingly easy to not, though. To tell people that you're not coming any more, that you can't meet up for tea and cake, that you can't go skating, or can't go to Value Village. (I suddenly fear cancelling and declining becoming a habit.) It's always hard to tell what treatments are most effective for my colds because at a year apart, the environment and nature of the cold varies greatly.
So now I'm treating my body better, but isolating myself, and that leads to a little bit of loneliness.
Now, to clarify, I know two types of loneliness well. One is inconsequential, and the other less so. I'm sure there are other types I could make up, but yah. The first type is simply daily isolation. It's the one that's cured by having friends you can hang out, by having regular faces, even if they're not personal, like waiters and waitresses when you go out for tea. The other is deeper and abiding. The treatment for the first can treat the symptoms of the second, distract you from it, but I don't really think it can cure it. The second goes away when you feel that someone is always there for you even if your mutual contexts change. Best friends can help, partners and family still better.
I think of the second as worst, but I'm more visibly affected by the first. If I'm deprived of rich human contact for too long, I go a little batty, I get a bit depressed, and my thoughts run off on me. I felt that during the summer a bit when all my friends left Guelph and I didn't know anyone in town and it was hard to communicate with friends online. I was overwhelmed by work and at one point hid away in a blanket and pillow fort while I watched a marathon of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse and began to fear for the world. I cured that simply by deciding to work on campus every day and make new acquaintances, who are now new friends. I'm in no danger of going insane during this quarantine because I feel like I can violate it whenever I like. Mwahaha. I am lucky to have a bunch of local friends who I can visit if I feel necessary. Plus, I do like having alone time.
The second, as I said, I think of as worse, but it affects me less visibly because I suppose I am used to it. I spent a couple years of high school feeling like I didn't relate to anyone there, that my closest friends were in a chat room and they weren't even personal. I felt it again through most of my undergraduate and at most of my co-ops. Friends treated the symptoms, but there was always an abiding loneliness. Now that I live in my own apartment, I've reacquainted myself with this background sense, and it's moments like quarantine that combine the first and second that make me wonder what the world will be like when my father passes, when I move to a new area, when all ancient connections have dissolved and been replaced by local, recent, nascent connections. In the long term, what will have been the point of time and energy invested? A colourful history, memories locked in the past. That's why the second is worst than the first, because it questions meaning of connections, questions the necessity of my being.
That's not supposed to sound emo. My current isolation is temporary and self-imposed, and the second form of loneliness slumbers in the background as an afterthought. It's just something to think about tonight as I wonder what the world is doing and whether I matter much to it, with a smirk and a cup of soy milk and perhaps soon a couple cookies? I mean, at least I'm not the neglected elderly yet :|
A high school student spoke to me on the midnight bus the other day. She asked me if University students were always like this. Looking down the length of the bus, you might confuse it for a cramped dance floor. Very raucous. I told her not necessarily, that she didn't have to be like that if she didn't want to, that I knew a bunch of people who were more consistently mature and weren't weird for it. She seemed relieved. She was alarmed at feeling more mature, having at 14 moved out of her house and trying to survive just high school.
Humans are weird. They celebrate life in weird ways. I can't say their ways are wrong: I'm much more tolerant of the less controlled ways than I used to be. Despite what I consider traumatic experiences growing up, it's helpful to focus on examples of good people letting loose: not everyone is a jerk or a complete idiot. And I remain free to be different: I'm glad I have friends who don't bother me and are considerate about it, and I let them have their fun in their way.
Last weekend I threw a birthday party for a friend at my place, and it was typical me: I baked cookies, made ghetto sushi, played Wii Sports Resort, and watched Scott Pilgrim. 3 of us had already seen it, and it was new to 2 others. The film is transcendent. Tonight I went to the 2012 OCUS Formal, which was a bizarre experience for me for a variety of reasons. I ate, I danced, I laughed and helped people laugh, and I was a runner up for best dressed. (I should have won! and I might have, had I voted for myself!) I love formals, getting dolled up on a lark, showing my finest Value Village finds, and dancing like crazy. I think someone compliments me on my dancing every time, and I still can't figure out if people are being sincere, or if they think my dancing is weird and thus remarkable. I don't think it matters as long as I have someone to dance with.
There was an anti-formal party at a friends' house afterwards. They're the cool kids to me, superficially suggestive of misfits who actually fit quite well. I drank (pure) kool-aid while others had their beverages of choice, and it was fine. No one was obnoxious. One fellow perhaps chose too much beverage, but he was a fine fellow before and remained a fine fellow after. There was good conversation, good laughter, and good company beside me.
I find the method that works best for improving my tolerance of things that are different from my norm is to find wonderful examples of them. I used to not be fond of punk culture until in high school I made a friend who was totally punk. Same with a lot of subcultures that don't typify me. My friends really do save me from intolerance. I'm glad intolerance doesn't save me from making friends. :)
|It's supposed to be a little wolfy|
A friend of mine likes beasts. I was going to draw her one for V-day, but I'm not a very good drawer. However, I did get a new stylus the other day for my tablet PC, so I've been inclined to draw more. Here, randomly, is the beginnings of a beast.
If lines of beasts aren't your style, here are some juvenile doodlings of airships.
|so infeasible (open in new tab/window to see full view)|
I say juvenile, because if I was more serious, I'd actually research what would make such a thing feasible. I'm tired of worrying about feasibility right now. I'll worry about realism later when I can do it at my leisure. For now, it's fun. :)
The worst thing about my new stylus (the old one is out west with the laptop it belongs to) is that it disintegrated out of the package. I bought it on ebay. I will probably never buy something third-party from ebay again. Ah well.
A delightful friend just shared this with me. It goes well with my ancient Velociraptor Day cards:
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Look, a Tyrannosaurus.
Oh god, my leg!
(originally by Brian Switek)
Back in 2006, I created a small set of Velociraptor's Day cards this time of year. I've created a new card which lacks the same humour but whatever. Next year there might be robots.
The batties and the velociraptors (warning: gore ahead) can be found here.
Winter colds are slightly nostalgic for me. I haven't had one since last winter. I've already wandered through frigid snow stifling a cough. And I have my flask of hot tea with me. This year, I'm trying to be safer with colds. I've probably been reckless regarding quarantining myself. Last year, I even TA'd with my cold, and I probably got some of my students sick. This year, I'm even postponing delicious cookies for friends, because they're actually going to put those in their MOUTH.
Being a little sick can sometimes be nice, mostly due to connotations. Staying in bed, drinking hot tea, eating soup (I don't have soup, maybe I can get a friend to fetch some :D), and when I was younger, having someone like my mom or dad check in on me. Staying home from school, rescheduling appointments and work, getting stuffy headed and maybe finally watching some anime (video games would be too stressful). Curling up and being warm and cuddling my sheepo.
|Sheepo Pistachio, cuddler extraordinaire|
Case of the missing Tupperware
Today I finally figured out where my large plastic containers went. I actually had thought someone had take them but then partially in a dream I remembered my last usage! In the summer, I'd frozen a collection of berries (and some other food) to make a pie for a friend's birthday. I ended up not making the pie and quickly forgot about them. Almost 8 months later, I run to my freezer and tada, in the back, there they are. I'm not sure if the raspberries, strawberries, or blueberries are still good. I'm not even sure how well these containers will have survived their hibernation.
|Blueberries, pineapple (I think?), strawberries, |
chickpeas (pre-pie),and raspberries off screen. Nom.
So last night, when I saw a good couple inches of fresh snow fallen after iaido, I struck forth and boldly again. A fellow iaidoka joined me and we tried hard to get lost. Hard, because we're both quite familiar with it, but despite that we still managed to discover an ice covered pond to stand by while we discussed the nature of life. I love the snow. I love icy ground (when I'm not hurting myself on it). My friend is like a monkey, and can easily catch herself as she falls, and bounces and lurks and stalks through trees like a veteran tripper, making the trip all the more enjoyable. It's nice being able to experience the wild with a fellow adventurer, especially when we're both wandering in moderately falling snow, still in our hakame and gi, with sword bags in tow. Winter is a great backdrop to life.
And so it was when we finally made it back to campus and I realised I'd just missed the last bus down town. Honestly, I welcome the cold and find it refreshing, and steadily walked through falling snow that grew so thick I couldn't see straight ahead. It was surprisingly warm, and I'm not sure why. My hands and neck and ankles were bare, my shoes slowly soaked with melt, I had no hat, my beard was frozen stiff and my head became a tray for a snowy dessert. And let I couldn't stop grinning as I tightened my balled fists burying into pockets. When I finally came through the door, and shook, it was like a fresh snow fall in my house. When I saw the mirror, I finally realised just how much snow had fallen, because I'd grown over an inch taller with snow.
|I think I look a bit like a hardy hermit |
here, with an overly solid cranium
I had a PIN set to unlock my phone. I wanted to encrypt it for a while, and so this morning I did, and afterwards it asked me for a password. I did not have a password set. Neither my PIN nor my Google password would suffice.
After googling for a while, this problem has occurred with others (usually after getting an OTA update) with no good resolution. I just did a factory reset on my phone.
It's not really a problem, as all my data was backed up to Google's servers, including the apps. (I think I only lost videos, again, for the second time in a week. Oh dear.)
I just realised that I finally have the posse I sort of dreamed of. Any posse necessarily requires a misfit quality to its members and an innocent sincerity. I've really gotten to see that over the last few weeks as myself and others have gone to silly lengths to be good comrades, remaking plans spontaneously, engaging on silly adventure, being excellent to one another, helping and caring. Today I celebrated the birthday of Z at my place, organising cookie baking, ghetto sushi, Scott Pilgrim, and some Wii play time.
It's a little surreal as I didn't see it coming. The composition isn't well defined. It's just basically a small band of misfits that share a common attitude and capacity for silliness.
I'm quite grateful for it, and still grateful for my many individual friendships at Guelph, like with E and L and M and Ar and Am and the rest of the alphabet that I'm not noting here. Anyway, thank you to y'all for being good friends. I'm working really hard on being more reliable again, and hope to disappoint none of you much more this semester. You all deserve the best I can muster.
I'm thrilled by an advertisement containing the Darkness. I've song them twice in karaoke in the last 6 months. It would be nice if the advertisement was focussed more on how awesome the Note was rather than picking on Apple users. Apparently there was a lot of criticism of the commercial based on "A stylus? What is this? A Palm Pilot?" I think it's a weird criticism, because styli are actually quite popular for smart phones in general. The biggest problem I find is that most apps don't make much use of a stylus, since almost no phones come with one by default. Even the commercial didn't do a great job of illustrating great uses for it (I think they were trying to draw on a Google Map where to meet, but wasn't clear. :D).
So, with my Nexus One and Gingerbread, I could mount my phone's SD card as a USB mass storage device by just plugging it in to my computer. That was great, just like a USB key, I get a new device and I copy files over. With the Galaxy Nexus and Ice Cream Sandwich, you can't do that any more. As always, trying to send files via Bluetooth is failure prone, and using PTP (for photos) doesn't work reliably with other files. (PTP: That's when you plug your phone in and it treats it like a camera.)
The way recommended by Google and the world is using MTP (Media Transfer Protocol) which is simple in Windows, relatively simple in Mac OS X, but not supported by default by Linux distros yet. Until recently, nothing really significant that people would run with Linux would use it.
So, to copy files to and from my phone, I'm now using mtpfs, which lets me mount my phone like any other file system when I plug in (just like when it worked as a USB mass storage device!). This required some steps in Fedora 16.
- download and compile mtpfs
- this required me to install some development file packages:
- yum install libmad-devel libid3tag-devel fuse-devel libmtp-devel
- then I went to http://www.adebenham.com/mtpfs/ and downloaded the source code
- I unpacked it, and did a standard (./configure && make && make install)
- (Thanks to PabloTwo at this thread)
- and then I followed the instructions here:
http://www.androidcentral.com/ics-feature-mtp-what-it-why-use-it-and-how-set-it Except I had manually installed mtpfs
- These are specific to Fedora, and tell you a udev rule to automatically mount the phone when you plug it in :D
Well, today I fixed that by simply having my laptop use this pretty 1920x1080 display, rather than its own 1024x768 display. Facebook has never looked so fine.
Last month, my friend Ar sent me a link to a video. She has a similar response to mine, and we both found the video very helpful. It's almost 10 minutes, and is a news segment on an autistic girl who eventually was able to express herself with the help of a computer.
The above video helped me a lot. Part of my problem is a fear of becoming responsible for another person, and I don't mean in their being unable to operate in the world, but I guess I mean emotionally. I am very cautious with who I let myself get close to and who I let depend on me. I feel (rationally or not) that someone additionally challenged by their environment might rely extra-much on me, and I'd fail. I've bailed on a friend before, which was stupidly related to my frustration at being unable to help them. And yet I know I've been a burden to others.
Anyway, the video is excellent for helping establish very clearly in my mind how complete a person someone who has difficulty expressing themselves physically and verbally still is. So, I didn't excuse myself while in the mall the other day, but stayed and chatted for an hour, with the perspective that the person was the same as me, but that we had a translation that was imperfect. The whole visual-auditory system humans use to communicate is imperfect, though I dread the future where the "direct" neural communication I generally champion takes hold. Dread.
The conversation was still hard. Thanks to his challenges, he's been seriously abused and defrauded, and treated poorly regularly, and that's beyond having most people avoid him. He had reasonable opinions on war, peace, liberality, religion, politics, and love. I almost wish I could write about them here, but I don't think that would be polite to him. I'm not perfectly happy with my current life, and I hate I can be so melancholic while another has had to adapt to survive in miserable conditions. Not to demean him by describing them as miserable: he himself said he doesn't have any friends, and that that's quite hard.
I almost hate myself for being almost relieved that I didn't runaway. It feels like patting myself on the back. "Congrats, you did something reasonable rather than being a total jerk, GREAT JOB!" Especially because I could have invested myself more, offered to be around or be a friend. I've done that with others, others whose life situations are much more like mine, University children whose concerns are as petty as mine. I'm weak.
I tell myself that in the future, I'll contribute a lot to helping address inequities. I'll help conquer homelessness, I'll ensure everyone has access to an environment they can feel comfortable in. I wish I could guarantee everyone a friend, too. :)
|A mountain of crates, delicious.|
In particular, in my wonderful world of receipts. I've retained almost every receipt I've collected in the last 8 years. Commonly, they get bunched together into a cereal box, and then sealed, with their date written on them. It's for a good cause, though. No, not taxes, but memories! They act as cues for places I've visited and things I've done and possessions I've acquired through the past and friends I've adventured with. It's actually quite fun and nostalgic to go through them, even finding unexpected things like a receipt for the Dunedin Chinese Garden from 2009. I don't want to be reminded of everything right now, though, so it's nice that I can tape a box shut and forget about it for now.
The other day, I helped a friend backup her computer before it had to be reformatted. I had to make some space on my external hard drive, which was itself filled with old files and memories. I hate data loss but going back in computer time can be kind of surreal, and some things are perhaps best forgotten, but then I found it bizarre when another friend went half-way in salvaging her music collection and then sort of just gave up? :) (You know who you are, crazy person you!) I also did some digital house cleaning on my Facebook group that I'd been deferring indefinitely. Though I'm still on it regularly to interact with others, I don't really care to use Facebook any more. Its prime came and is now gone for me, so my profile and albums are now pretty bare.
I've also a good interest in reducing my material foot print. I've become an incredibly light traveller, even impressing my New York host. For the two weeks in which I lacked a phone, I appreciated still more its impact in making me more portable. Often, I can leave the house without my shoulder bag, with just my phone, which does so much for me. Perhaps it does more of my living than I do? I think some concert goer's phones saw more of Lights directly than they did at last night's concert. :) I don't really want to throw away most of my stuff, or give it away. I've mentioned before my intent on renting a room from a friend when I'm done school to stow away my personals, liberating me to adventure lightly, get a bus and cross country and borders.
Almost everything proceeding smoothly. I guess I'm incredibly fortunate. :)
I'll actually at first try the still-cheaper tethering to my phone for Internet. However, my Wii might like to have access to Netflix. But then, I don't watch things alone much. (Oh, would you care to swing by for a movie? Assuming you're a reader who lives remotely near me. :D)
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