I've been delaying this for a little while. I haven't really been sure of what I wanted to do, and I think I might have dawdled a little waiting on the decisions of others (but not too much).
I have a better idea of things I might want now, and I can't pursue them without refocussing, I think. Mostly this involves changes in what groups I invest in and how I interact with friends.
I need to determine what various groups mean to me and which mean the most. Friends are a bit different: I have to figure out a way where I can maintain meaningful connections with people while making myself less available.
- I think I want to do what I can to work in Open Source as soon as possible,
- and I may want to also pursue a PhD at one of two places.
- My Masters; my interest in my current work isn't as strong as it used to be, but it's nearing its conclusion, and it will enable more options in the future.
- Iaido and jodo: this matters a lot to me; it's been great at stabilising who I am and helping me get over problems
- GSETA: my veganism is important to me, but GSETA's nominal goal is animal rights, and I don't feel like much of an activist; I also don't support the modes of activism that are popular around me
- GSEC: I care about the environment, but I'm not sure if I can be very effective here; I don't have extensive knowledge on the matter, and I am skilled in other things where I can be more effective
- Open Source and GNOME: the GNOME community is the one community working in which I feel really comfortable. Going to two GUADECs and now one Boston Summit have been incredibly and consistently informative on this point.
- SVC: I like volunteerism, and I like it's connection to Open Source, but I think this is too broad for me to really thrive in.
- GSA: politics are of little interest to me, and I don't think an avid representative is strongly needed right now.
- GPS: I find it interesting, but I mostly participate becaus=e of the people.
- OCUS: I haven't really been involved in a while, though I miss the people.
One of my concerns is isolating myself and growing apart from new friends I've made across my activities.
So friends are my other problem. I have many awesome friends. I don't get to spend enough time with all of them, and too many interactions are very shallow. I want to correspond more and better with friends abroad, I want to interact with more friends locally, and I want to build deep friendships. Also, I hate to admit it, but I'd like to find an accomplice.
I am honestly a bit afraid of losing what I've built over the last year. Of drifting apart from the many cool people I've met and isolating myself. That said, I'm fortunate that I'm in a comfortable position where I feel like I do have a few deep local friendships which I imagine to be resilient, and I feel like I have distant friends who still care for me. I hope that becoming a bit more of a recluse so I can focus more on my endeavours won't alienate my friends. I hope that I'll also have time to still see most people though more casually, and that they won't forget me. I also hope I'll be able to find time to finally explore possible candidates for a serious accomplice. (Applications welcome, mwahaha!)
So, if you're my friend and reading this, I'm glad you're my friend, and I'll try to be a better friend during my transition. On the good side, all this rambling indicates growing momentum in new directions and new growth for me. Yay?